


R&J

by Kae27



Category: Gay - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 18:51:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kae27/pseuds/Kae27
Summary: i don't feel like typing a summary so have a great day and hope you enjoyed this mess of a story i wrote. don't forget you are a beautiful human and you have a purpose. Peace Love And Postivity. Okay okay Peace out girl Scout~Kae





	R&J

i laid in bed thinking of ruby. ruby had long black hair with piercing green eyes and she always tied her hair back with a ruby red bow. how would she take this news? if i ever told her that is. i felt sick to my stomach as i began to raise out of bed to get ready for my day at school. i tied my hair back into a bun i put on my leggings and a sweater i tied my vans up grabbed my back pack and started walking. i could drive to school but where i lived was 1/2 a block away so there was really no point. plus i enjoyed putting my headphones in and letting the music fill my broken heart as i walked alone. the way to school is turn left from my drive way and then another left turn when you get to the end of the street walk for another minute or two and you'll be at the school today i decided to take a right turn at the second left turn. i didn't even consciously make the decision i just did it. after walking for five more minutes i came up to the lgbtq youth center and next to it was the library. i stood in between the two trying to decide which one i was going to enter. would i play it safe and enter the library and re-read what few books they had in the lgbtq area or would i face who i truly am and see someone to talk to and get help. i took a deep breath and before i even knew it my feet were walking towards the youth center for lgbtq youth. as soon as i walked in there was a security guard and he said umm excuse me? i didn't realize he was speaking to me so i kept walking then he said hey kid! and i turned around and he said come here and so i came. he said i need to pat you down and i need to check to see if you have any guns or anything harmful. this is a safe place. i smiled because in that moment i knew here i was safe. no one would judge me. i could be who i truly wanted to be well i could start to be who i wanted to be. then after a brief pat down he said okay thank you just try to remember next time stop for a pat down. i smiled and told him to have a good day and started walking. i went to the receptionist desk and she smiled up and me and said hello what are your preferred pronouns? and i said uhhh i don't know honestly then she said okay well would you like us to use they/them and i smiled and said yes please and she said okay no problem love. what's your name? i said jane my name is jane. she then said okay well fill out this form then i can point you in whatever direction you need to go in she then explained to me that any youth that comes in and wants to talk to anyone needs to fill out this form. i asked her will my parents be notified and she said no not unless something happens to you. i breathed a sigh of relief. i have no idea how my parents will take this. i don't even know how ruby will take this dammit what if i hurt ruby. suddenly i was snapped out of my thoughts by the receptionist she said okay here ya go sweetie take a seat then we can talk after. she had short blonde hair and dark dark brown eyes with little flickers of caramel color when you looked at them in the light she was a little person that was kinda cool i thought to myself. i filled out the sheet it asked me questions about my mental health and my day to day habits and then it started asking me questions about my family and if they were abusive or not or if i was in any danger i checked no to all those questions. then came the part i was worried about what are you here for? i didn't know how to answer this question i started to feel anxious i tapped my leg and looked around trying to think of how to explain the receptionist had saw me and walked over she put her hand on my shoulder and said is everything okay? would you like some help? those forms can be kinda tricky. i then explain to her that i didn't know what i was here for but i wanted to be a boy instead of a girl but i didn't know where to start and i wanted to see someone. she said okay then she helped me fill out the rest of the sheet and then called someone. she turned to me and said Dr. Owens will be down in a second. then a short man with brown hair walked down and said hello jane? and i stood and said yes as we walked out of the reception area i said thank you to the lady who had helped me. when we got into the doctors office he said okay what can i do for you? i said well i want to start the process of transitioning from female to male but i have no idea where to start or how to tell my family or friends about it. he then started explaining the steps i could start taking and how i could start talking to my parents about it and how i should try to start reading about it online and thing like that he also suggested to watch youtube videos about it and also to try and find a trusted friend to talk to about how i'm feeling. he asked me if i wanted to be set up with a free therapist and i said sure. he then gave me a card and told me that i can email or call her to set up appointments he assured me that she is educated and trained of dealing with cases like mine. i looked at the card and it said hairstylist and i asked him why he then told me it's a cover up because they don't want a business card to out teens to their families before they're ready to talk to them. that was a smart idea i thought to myself i then walked out and put the card in my backpack. i started walking to school because i knew i couldn't ditch the whole day and leave ruby at school wondering where the hell i was. i walked into school just in time for third period and then lunch. i met ruby at our usual secluded spot i told her i needed to tell her something. she said what's up babe? i forget that ruby and i are dating most times because our relationship is so natural and she is my best friend and my lover. i said ruby you might hate me and you might want to break up with me but i have to do this because i want to be my true self she then said okay and reassured me everything will be alright. i then said the words ruby i want to transition from female to male. DAMN that felt good to say i had been holding it in for years. she then looked up at me. i was scared shitless she then said to me well jane... it was then that we hard a gunshot. we ducked under the table. i pulled out my phone and texted my mom somebody has a gun and to send the police to the school i turned my phone on silent and huddled closer to ruby. if there was anyone arms that i would die in it was ruby's because i loved her. jane died in ruby's arm. janes body protected ruby from from getting hit by a bullet. ruby stayed huddled up like that till someone came and found her. the police eventually came and picked both of them up. jane coughed ruby screamed WHAT? JANE ARE YOU ALIVE!!??? they ran jane to the ambulance and hurried away. speeding. they made ruby stay to be examined and her parents came. she was perfectly okay. the EMTS were talking to her and told her if she hadn't kept holding janes body she would be dead. ruby was holding onto her so tight that she was applying pressure to the gun wound and might have saved janes life. ruby made her parents take her to the E.R. so that she would know if jane was okay. she had never realized it but she would fall apart with out jane. jane held her together like glue. in that moment she knew one day she was going to marry jane. weather she decided to go through with transitioning or not. she needed jane to survive just like she needed oxygen to breathe. ruby sat in the E.R. tapping her foot she knew it was annoying but she couldn't stop she was too anxious and every other emotion. She kept asking to see jane and no one would let her in so she made her parents distract the nurses and she snuck back as soon as she got into that room she knew that she had to be strong not for herself of anyone else except jane. when she walked into the room their were two people already in their and she said who are you? they said we are janes parents i'm Josie said her mom and i'm josé said her dad. they asked her who she was and she knew that jade wasn't out yet so she simply said i'm her best friend jane is like my sister. let's clearly note jane and ruby were not like sisters unless sisters have make out session but anyways back to the story. When she saw jane laying in that hospital bed ruby felt as if her whole world was coming to a slow painful end. When she got home that night she held a rosary in her hands and sat on the floor. Even thought she was gay she still believed in God because God loves everyone and her sexuality doesn't affect that love. Anyways she started praying. She said "Dear God i know i dont pray that often but please hear me out on this one. I need you to save my first and only love jane. I need her to survive God and i don't know if you understand it but she makes me remember what it feels like to be happy. She gives me pure joy. She is the reason i dont regret waking up in the morning like i used to and i realize that i have done some things that are sins and i a not proud of but i swear God i will try my hardest to not fuck up i mean uh mess up. If you just save her for me please that is all i need and i will do my best if you just do this one thing for me" that is exactly what she said to God and she meant every word of it. She really did need jane. Jane was the only reason ruby was alive. The tops of ruby's thighs are scared because she used to cut herself almost every night. Ruby was in such a dark place but jane puled her out of it and made her whole again. Jane made ruby realize that it is okay not to be okay and it is also alright to lean on your friends for support. Jane helped ruby though it she was the strong one so ruby knew it was now time for her to be the strong one. She got in the shower and scrubbed her skin no matter how hard she scrubbed or how long she scrubbed she felt like she could never get the blood off of her or that day that she could never rid her brain of the memory of that day. Eventually ruby scrubbed her arms so much that certain patches of skin where raw so she decided to stop scrubbing. She then sat down on the shower floor and faced away from the shower. She hugged her tiny body as the hot water hit her back. She lost track of time and her mom came in to see if she was okay. Her mom wrapped her up in a towel and got her dressed and the whole time she just kept saying it'll be okay my love, ruby it'll be okay, ruby you'll make it through this i promise. Her mom then sat her down and started brushing her hair gently. Ruby felt like she could hold it in any longer so she blurted out mom i am gay and jane is my girlfriend but her parents dont know that she is gay so please dont tell them. Her mom didn't say anything for a moment. "Okay i still love you regardless" was her moms response it made ruby feel a tad bit better. After two hours of talking ruby laid down and even though this one good thing had happened her depression and suicidal thoughts had somehow found their way back to her brain. She forgot everything that had happened that day the only thing she could remember was her urge to cut and the thoughts of wondering how she would kill herself if she really had decided to go through with it. She knew that something bad would happen if she left her bed but honestly to her anything sounded better than living. Ruby got up off her bed and opened the book where she had tapped her blade so no one would find it. She then quietly tip toed to the bathroom and turned on the light and locked the door. She then grabbed a towel and rolled it up and shoved it at the bottom of the door so no one could look under and see what she was doing. She sat on the floor the smooth black tile in the bathroom cold against her porcelain skin. She took a deep breath and sat back she then held the blade in her hand and examined it like she'd never seen it before she was trying to make a decision should she or should she not? Right as she was about to after she had made the decision that she was going to do this because she just wanted to feel any other pain other than the one she felt inside her phone started buzzing she was getting a call but right as she went to hit answer she passed out. She hadn't eaten all day and was now knocked out on the floor of her bathroom at 2:37 A.M. Her phone was still buzzing next to her now lifeless body. The phone kept buzzing and eventually her mom heard it and woke up. She tried the door and it was locked she took the dark brown bobby pin out of her hair and bended it so the two sides weren't so close. she picked the lock with out a problem. She then opened the door and gasped with shock. she first yelled for her husband then she knelt down next to ruby and examined her body and checked for any cuts blood. she then called 911 and explained she didn't know what happened but knew it wasn't good because she had an unconscious teenager lying on her floor. the EMTs came and took ruby away to the ER she had passed out from not eating all day and she needed to be monitored for the next 48 hours to make sure she was healthy enough to go home. The only thing ruby talked about and asked about was jane. when was jane going to me okay? was she going to be okay? would the love of her life survive this? she even dreamt of jane. jane was ruby's life she was the reason she wanted to wake up every morning but without that ruby could find no reason to get out of bed, to eat, to sleep, to be alive. she decided she would give it two months. two months to find out if jane would be okay or not and that's when she would decided if she was going to take her life or not simple as that.


End file.
